Created by Jimmie Burroughs
I have handled grief many times in my life, but the hardest grief I have ever had to deal with was the lost of by wife who was also my very best pal. Not only did I need to lose her to death, but I also had to see her suffer the pain and pain of cancer and die a slow and agonizing death. Everyone must experience grief at some specific point in our life. I would like to help you if you?re experiencing grief now, or when you do at some future time, by sharing how I dealt with the best grief of my life, and what I did that helped me the most.
Grief is the physical, emotional and mental conditions experienced by a loss of somebody close. It?s the body?s natural ability of healing our emotional injury. Grieving can be very tough if there is a absence of understanding. Normally it is experienced in 3 distinct phases which lead up to a final acknowledgment and capability to continue on with life:
1. The first phase is Shock or a denial of what?s happened. This will last only a little while or can be increased almost indefinitely. The sooner one can get to grips with the reality of it, the better.
2. The second phase is The Expression of Grief which can take many alternative approaches such as anger, depression or an over whelming feeling of loss. This can persist for a few days, or for some even several years. I have known some who were never in a position to get past this phase.
3. The 3rd and last phase is Acknowledgment. The point of grief is to move an individual steadily along through all 3 phases till ultimately they reach the point of acceptance. At about that point they are now prepared to continue their life, or seek a fresh direction for their life.
Understanding grief and knowing how to Deal with it is important. It is not that uncommon for someone to mourn themselves to death. Sometimes when somebody loses a loved one, they also die within a few months because of the stress it brings to their body. Although grief is a therapeutic process in itself, if it is not understood, and if care isn?t brought to let it do its natural work, then the end results can be devastating. The objective is to handle grief in a way as to bring healing in a reasonable period.
Alternative ways of replying to grief
Grief is an ordinary and natural reply to any type of loss, particularly to the death of a buddy or loved one. People make a response to loss in a variety of ways. Many ways are healthy and others are not quite so healthy. Grief, itself, is a coping mechanism, but it is easy to obstruct the grieving process by not understanding it and without knowing how to work through it. Grieving is not a matter of just forgetting, nor is it a technique that must continue for ever and ever.
There are many emotions that different folk feel at the loss of a friend. I had just a few, but each person will have a different experience; some will experience few emotions while some of the others may experience many. The right way is to let emotions run their course. Here is basically what I experienced when I lost my other half to cancer:
? An occasional Session of crying
? A sadness in my heart
? A feeling or sensing the loved one?s presence
? An occasional need to tell and retell stories about my loved one and the death experience
? An occasional feeling of restlessness
There are numerous other feelings that you may experience and that?s quiet alright; everyone experience grief differently.
Things I have done to help deal with my grief
1. I tried to give myself an adequate quantity of time to work thru the grief process prior to making big decisions or changes in my life. The time factor is dissimilar for everybody; some may be able to get thru it in a few months and others take longer. For the most part I feel that I was at the point of acceptance and prepared to move on with my life in a year. I don?t mean to assert it was completely pass in a year though it was acceptable. I am not sure an individual ever gets fully past it. I?ve not yet and it?s nearly 7 years since my spouse died.
2. Once you?ve worked thru the primary grief, it may be good to restructure your life, or to better define who you actually are now. Death of a close loved one, like a better half, tends to change. Our view of ourselves as well as life. This was correct for me and I revealed that I was ready to make some major changes in my lifestyle. It took nearly a year to work it out, but when I did it opened up a completely new life that has brought much satisfaction.
3. I let go of objects that reminded me of my loss. I felt a wish to give away most of my wife?s personal effects. I kept some of her jewellery but plan to give it all away over a period of time.
You may wish to keep a few mementoes. For me , however , I feel I am going to need to let these things go little by little. I feel by doing this I shall also be letting my spouse go, and letting the grief evaporate more. I know my wife wouldn?t have wanted me to waste my life pining away for her. She?d have wanted me to carry on with my life at the earliest opportunity.
4. I found that writing about my experiences in my blog helped me to see thru the bad and see the good. If you do not have a blog, use a appreciation book; it will do miraculous things in helping to overcome a damaged heart. There?s a lot of unhappiness and pain in life but there?s also so much to live for that over shadows the negative.
5. I started a new past-time. I began to learn the easiest way to play guitar and sing country and gospel songs. It has added hours of delight to my life. I?m taking time every day to practice the new songs I have learned and it also gives me a challenge and is a reliable source of exercise for my brain. It has been a good sources of healing for me.
6. I joined a support group with those who also were experiencing grief. Generally the larger churches have a continual support group. I joined one in my church and that was very useful to learn how others were coping with their grief.
7. I accepted the help and support of others. I had a brother-in-law who helped me a lot by keeping in contact with me during the hard times. There are people who love you that are concerned about you and they want to help you. Let them whether or not it doesn?t turn out help you that much, they have to know they are endeavoring to help.
8 .I?ve a relationship with The Lord God . Of everything that have helped me, my relationship with The Lord God has been the most beneficial. God guarantees his grace to help us in all types of negative experiences that we go through in life. That includes the death of loved ones and even the time when we must face our own death.
9. I never used medicine during my grief and would never consider turning to drink and drugs. Drugs and alcohol only suppress grief; they keep the method from moving forward so that a person becomes frozen in the state of grief and aren?t able to let it do its healing power.
10. I changed into a volunteer to help others. This is another thing that helped me tremendously. I joined a body that did volunteer construction and maintenance for establishments and individuals that would not afford to hire it done. It required me to go in my motor home to the locations and spend a few months there. This won?t be OK for most, but there also are masses of opportunities for volunteer work in your own city or city.
Factors that impede the healing process
Never avoid or decrease your emotions. They are there for helping you work through your grief; let them do their job without resistance.
? Don?t use alcohol or drugs to self-medicate or prescription drugs either if you?re able to avoid it.They only delay the method of healing and never help move it forward.
? Do not avoid your feelings by utilizing work, school or socializing as a distraction. Facing up to our feelings allows us to cope with them and to get them behind us instead of having them floating around in the setting to always be ridiculing us
Conclusion
understand that everyone are different and have different needs , and to generalize the grief process isn?t going to satisfy all wants for everyone, but I do believe that a general knowledge of how it operates is constructive for all. I hope that this post has been a help to you as you go thru grief or the time in your future when it does come. If it?s been a help, please share it with another individual. If you are experiencing difficulty or you are feeling that you simply can not handle your grief, do not hesitate to get professional help.
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About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is a motivationalspeaker and author who has been involved in teaching Christian Personal Developmentfor more than 30 years. There are over 600 articles to help you on his website www.JimmieBurroughs.com in your personal expansion. Be sure to take vantage of the FREE offer to get theeBook The 4 Pillars for Personal Development while available.
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